Transportation losses, fuck them!

I currently live in Daltongunj, a town in the Palamau district of Jharkhand, India. Since I have come here, I have been looking around only to find coal everywhere… The chaiwalas, nashtawalas, tandoor walas, all use coal… there are smokes rising out of almost every street round the clock… the whole town smells of coal… Black is the colour. Even before reaching here, it was pretty evident that this place has a lot of coal reserves. I was standing on the door of my coach in the train to Daltongunj, I was looking for how this place looks like. It was the first time I was coming here. I was expecting a lot of mountains which weren't in plenty. That part of the area looked like a plateau. The train stopped at Garhwa, a boy shouted “newspaper for 2 Rs”. Few more minutes and the train stopped somewhere in the middle. A goods train passed by from the right. There were at least 20 people over there around the tracks. As soon as the train went away, they started picking up the coal that had fallen out of the open bogies, trying to take back as much as possible. Everyone had a white cement sack on their backs to fill in their share of the fuel. Three and a half months later, I now realize that from the people’s point of view, there are no ‘transportation losses’, at least in coal. Let the losses rest in peace in the balance sheets of the miners. :)

Reminiscence. . .

i almost forgot that i had a blog. . .i didnt want to be this busy. . .but, should i complain? i have been doing so much in the last two semesters!! I have taken a few things for granted these days. . .I think I need to value them more so that I realise how privileged i have been to be here. . .listening to lectures that talk about social change, going to slums for studies and spending weeks in tribal villages in dense forests- I need to value all of this. People who knew me and would now be able to connect with me would be very few and I would always love them for that, but the most amazing thought that this time here in TISS has given me is that I understand why people do something. . .I dont hate or love them from how they react to me. . .i try to find out what is the reason they are behaving that way. . .

it has always been a feeling of deprivation inside me as I could never realise that I actually did not miss anything at all. . .the long power cuts in my grads college taught me to value energy conservation, living in small places away from cities reminds me of how peaceful the life there is and studying from a small college makes me value the access i have to resources here. . .i can find out my answers to most of the questions now. . .and more importantly, i question. . .i question right from why i live in an area that gets water and electricity to why i find the malls and fancy plastic packaging uneasing inside my head. . .i question every basic fact that i always took for granted. . .

i should not feel sad for not being able to visit my blog for long. . .i was knowing it. . .the world around me and my senses. . .

After all that happiness, what am I really missing at TISS??

-Bad people. Rude ones in particular.

-Bad teachers. Arrogant and ‘oppressive’ ones in particular.

-Ragging! I got so used to it in engineering.

-Cricket! I hate ‘em for not giving me hostel.

-Ugly girls. All here look decent.

-Long power cuts ending up in long guitar sessions.

-Dirty talks about sex, particularly those that subjugate women. They were so enlightening that they are still helping me for my group research!

-Bad English! I just loved it.

-And especially ‘my mother’! Encroaching on my freedom space! I feel so liberated here. I’ll feel like an inmate when I’ll go home!

Smell. Rediscovered.

What do you expect to smell when you walk out of your place to start your day, my people? Or the question can be asked this way, “what do you smell when you start your day?”

I think I can guess some of the answers.

Flowers? Those ‘divine’ incense sticks? :P Brown bread from the bakery? That lady’s hair in your building’s lift? Desi baghaar from your neighbour’s house?

Every time I start my day on Mondays and Tuesdays, when I go out for my field work, I get myself prepared to smell a few things. I’ll list them in the sequence of events that result in my encounter with them.

1. Walk out of the building. Smell the left over wet waste by the Municipality people.

2. Take an auto to Govandi station. Feel the smell from the slaughter house nearby.

3. Enter the galli to the platform number 2. Smell the stale snacks.

4. Stand on the platform number 1. Smell the eatables at the IRCTC stall ‘dominated’ by Wada pau!

5. ‘Try’ to get on the train to CST. Smell a zillion body odours.

Before mentioning the next event, I must tell you people that I LOVE the Tantra t-shirts for their sarcasm. And I strongly believe in them. One of them said, “Indian Railways- Bringing people closer”. I can feel the closeness every time I get on a train to CST in the morning. Now, there are different types of ‘closenesses’ that you can be a part of. You will be enlightened in the following notes.

6. Be a part of Indian Railways' "Bringing People Closer" campaign.Smell Navratna tel’ from apne bhai log!

Research statement that is bubbling up for long now:

Navratna tel is the largest selling hair oil among young, skinny and busy men that commute in locals to CST on the harbour line!

7. If it’s your day, have armpits on your face- smell them. You don't have a choice.

Yeah. I know, I sound yucky at times!

8. Get down at the ‘task station’. You are out of vacuum now. Smell oxygen. Yes, it has a smell.

9. Go to slums for field work. Smell garbage again.

at times, hear the tales of people getting numb to those odours. Get shocked.

10. Eat and have tea with budding politicians. Smell food.

11. Come back to the room. Wash your face. Smell some dettol.

Sleep. Smell peace. :)

Wow! Never ever felt like this before! I was always into questioning everything but I didn't know that I could be so vocal about it. This place offers me the freedom to cross all the levels of being uncomfortable and making myself and other people think. I have unlearned some of the basics that I considered to be so normal!

I don't form a strong opinion about people anymore.

I don't absolutely hate or love somebody anymore.

I consider violence justified and inevitable.

I speak things like "Every man is a potential rapist" to my research group without hesitating!

I don’t give a fuck what people think about me.

I write things like this on my blog.

I walk away from a conversation with a risk of looking rude.

I speak things on people's face!

I consider that people always have time.

I remain serious continuously for hours!

I think.

I think beyond the full stops of my statements. I don’t just stop at my opinions. I gather the courage to look out of my window where the answers to my questions are.

I love. Yes, I love this place. And I love this phase.

Aife hi foch foch ke pareshani fi thi. . .

It’s a cool Sunday afternoon and I’m feeling too sleepy to make sense here. It’s just the love of writing stuff and the fact that I’m not able to recall events for my field work reports that has kept me alive and awake right now!

This one thought just comes into my head that in the last two and a half months of this new life at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, which are the events that have had the potential to shake the cells in my brain that compel me for action? If I just 'try' and stress myself, the first one would be watching 'India Untouched', a documentary on the abhorrent caste system of, for and by our country. It moved me to the extent that I realized how hollow and directionless life I’ve led till now. And that there are more dimensions to my ignorance. There are things that I have turned a blind face to. I came to know that what I see and what people in my social circle have tried to present in front of me is exactly what the makers of these abhorrent systems wanted. the happiness and the change we think has arrived is only amongst a certain number of people; the only thing I was glad about is that miraculously, the human inside me has managed to stay alive and keep those 'anaesthetists' away who wanted to kill him with an overdose!

The second would be the interactive lecture by Dr. Ashish on social work and its objectives. It told me how easy and how difficult it is to change things. And also the fact that you shouldn't always try to change them. He asked us to really try and work into our own homes and places and change things if we wanted to change them at all. He called us one of the most powerful people in the country. He said that everybody is powerful. But not all of them know about the fact. This reminds me of a ramanek (my roommate) joke about himself in which he says that, hum hanuman ki tarah hain, apni shakti ka hume andazaa nahin hai!

While writing this note I’m feeling that I should stay away from numbers and mentioning my preferences as much as possible. Numbers help people to develop, to know about how good or bad things are. Our state does the same; it hides all the numbers it fears.

Recently we came to know about an incident when one of our faculty members, Shamim Modi, a tribal activist was brutally attacked at her place by the building's watchman. We had the privilege to listen to her when the college organised a public meeting and a press conference to demand justice for her. She had 118 stitches on her body but her head and heart demonstrated turbulent life as she spoke to us. She spoke about the activism she is involved in and what it demands. I find myself fortunate that I can at least dream of reaching out to people she is reaching because of the course I have chosen.

Though there's a lot of emotion and motivation out here, it raises inside me a fear of getting used to it like I do to everything else.

But I still hope that some of the things will fall in place and this spark will stay alive . . . and there's one thing that I very strongly hope for. That I would get more of such moments to reflect this bit . . . :)

Field work, Day 1. . .

I think if I start writing my daily experience honestly, the start will always sound clichéd. Because the first line will always be, “Like every instance, I reached late!”

The Day 1 of my field work was no different. It’s just that I wasn’t the only one responsible for it! My roommate was the one who searched for his ‘half socks’ and ‘formal shoes’ for ten minutes. But with a cool teacher and a too nice to be angry partner (subject to change, courtesy- my ‘punctuality’), I didn’t face any ‘you-will-never-be-a-successful-man’ looks!

I have a bit inside my head to write about the nexus of corruption I could smell today, but I will write about that someday when I am angry! The only reason is that I don’t want to sound euphemistic.

I saw a lot of things that I saw after a fairly long time. Because of the fact that I’m in the company of highly groomed men and women since the last one and a half month, I loved the company of apni public. It’s funny that I was noting them on the last page of my field work notebook! Without commenting on them much I would just give you the list.

1. Huge red Bindis.
The last time I saw them in such great abundance was in ST buses (aka Laal Dabba) a year back!

2. Green Bangles with a golden one in each hand!
They remind me of my Nani!

3. Trapezoidal moustaches. :P
Go and study some geometry to get the joke!

4. The sudden happiness by just the info that there’s gonna be an event!
People get easily ready to get together if they know they can eat together. The whole tension about the threat to existence of a federation that has 490 CBO’s (community based organisations) working with it was into heaven the very moment every nice uncle and aunty there came to know about the get-together!
and

5. Men with huge tummies!
A lot of them in just 4000 square foot of space!

Every time I travel in a Mumbai local and I am unable to stop myself from hanging out of the train, I find bringing about a behavioural change into people at a mass level close to impossible. Or maybe I am a human being with very less control over his brain!
I hope that I will enjoy writing my actual reports the way I do writing things like this!
Pray for me, brother!